If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
