I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
