watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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