You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
