I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have fence marks all over my body
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize