we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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