Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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