So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
