just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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