I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
