every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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