i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
