he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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