Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
