loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
