Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
