We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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