i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
