Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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