He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
