You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize