Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
