in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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