a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
