Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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