You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
