I swear she didn't look like that last week.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
