OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
