Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
