Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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