when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
