We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
