I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
