Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
