just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
