Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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