Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
