Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
