i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
