Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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