Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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