You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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