Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Two words: blizzard sex
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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