You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
