i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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