Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
