i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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