She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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