I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
