I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
