bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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