they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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