the condom got lost in my hair
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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