I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
