I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
