woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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