ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
