swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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