you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
