Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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