I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
