I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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