btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
