new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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