she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
