btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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