who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Two words: blizzard sex
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
