I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize