I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
