I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
COCAINE IS GR8
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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