your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
