Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
