i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
