garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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