i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize