I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize