I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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