He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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