Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I want to fling myself into the sun
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
