Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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