So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
