I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
