Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
