um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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