im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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