Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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