My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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