did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize