I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
