SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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