At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
