Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize