I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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