so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
