does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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